so. . .here I am. . .

The moving is done. The boxes are unpacked. The new neighbors have been over for dinner. The children are nestled all snug in there beds. The stockings are hung by. . .just kidding.

I have said numerous times over the last month that I feel like I am living someone else's life. The new house, new neighborhood, new furniture. . .it all feels surreal, like I am somewhere that I am not yet convinced where I belong.

Our new house is by no means extravagant, yet a few months ago I would have thought it was way out of our league. I loved our humble, little home. I was comfortable, although sometimes cramped. I was content.

Don't take this the wrong way. I am so thankful to be here. I feel the Lord has provided for and blessed us immensely. Already we have opportunities to be Jesus in our backyard, literally.


So here is the thing. . .a couple of months ago, I told my husband I would like to have the group of inner city kids that I work with over for pizza. This is by no means an unusual request. In our ten years of ministry together, we have had literally countless kids in our home to hang out.
Then we found out we were moving, the craziness began, and here I sit in my new house. Now, I just can't do it. I feel embarrassed by my surroundings. In our old home, it would have felt completely comfortable and normal to have the kids over. . .

A couple of nights ago, we had to make arrangements to pick these kids up for a skating party. It proved to be a little challenging because we have a rule that no one can be in the neighborhood alone, especially at night. We also had to get our own children to the party. My husband and a friend ended up doing the picking up, and I met them there with my girls.

After the party, as I was tucking my girls into bed, in our nice new house, in our very safe neighborhood, this all started going through my mind again. Why do we have to use the "buddy system" in a neighborhood where these kids walk to school, play, eat, sleep, and live? Why am I so blessed?